Now that that’s out.
Thanks to a certain feline with litter box issues – as in, gee, that couch would make a good litter box – I was off to the local Swedish furniture store. Normally, I would employ my next door neighbor, Howard, and his oversized pick-up truck, to get the new couch home. But since they’re both at Disney World, I headed to the home delivery desk, to pay way too much.
“Can’t deliver today,” I was told. “Any day this week.”
Well, I’m on call for work all week. I can’t be certain I’ll be home any day. The best I could do was next Sunday. Might as well call Howard. At least I won’t have to wait an entire week. He agreed.
“Okay,” said the delivery desk guy. “Just head over to the return desk. You can get a refund.”
“Wait,” I said. “I don’t want a refund. I’ll just come back in a day or two to pick it up.”
“That’s our policy. Once you buy it you have to take it. Otherwise you can return it. Then, when you’re ready to take it home, you can come back and buy it again.”
“That’s your policy?” I did a double take. Then I did another double take. “That’s a ridiculous policy. Why can’t I just pick it up in a day or two.”
“We don’t have room to store it for you.”
“But you’re storing it right now. You were storing it before I bought it. You were going to store it until it could be delivered, any day this week. How are you suddenly out of room now?”
He called a manager, a barely twenty-something chick with bubble gum cheeks, wearing a tiara.
“That’s our policy sir,” she repeated.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m familiar with your policy, now. Had someone explained your policy before I made my purchase, I would have waited.”
“They should have explained it.” She said this, but didn’t seem overly concerned.
“I agree. They should have. But they didn’t.”
“Well,” she huffed. “There are signs all over the store.”
“Where? Can you show me one?”
“Sir, I don’t have time to walk the whole store with you.”
“I’m not asking for a tour. I just want to see one sign.”
“Well.” Her eyes darted nervously. “There. There’s one right there.”
It said something to the effect of – take it home yourself, that way you don’t have to wait for it.
“That says I can take it, not that I have to.”
“Well, you could have us deliver it.”
Or I could return it and buy a couch elsewhere.
“I’m not paying you more money after all this,” I said. “This has been a colossal waste of time.”
When the store opened a few years ago, I drove down to check it out, only to find such crowds that the parking lot attendants guided me right out without finding a parking spot. I vowed then never to return to that store. Wish I’d listened to myself. And I really wish my couch didn’t smell like a litter box.