Sunday, September 25, 2011

Major Coup

With school back in session for a week already, it was high time Howard and Moira took the kids to Disney World for ten days.  Never mind they had all summer.  Don't you know it's just easier to wait until school starts?  Thank goodness for the happiest place on earth, because our little community is anything but.

Quick background:  We have a lake.  It's banks have been eroding for years.  Our association board has twice assessed the homeowners thousands of dollars to fix it.  Twice, the fix has failed.  They just authorized another assessment.  It's a lot.  Folks is pissed.

So while Howard the board member rode around Disney World on his association-paid-for golf cart, a recall movement began.  I signed the petition. As much as I like to rag on Howard and Moira, I do consider them friends.  As a result of that friendship, I know far too much about what goes on on that board.   And really, knowing who was behind it, it would be too much fun not to.

Two doors down from Howard lives Linus.  Linus is a drunk with a heart condition that will one day leave him dead.  No warning. He'll just die.  As a result, he doesn't work, instead spending his final days (stretching into years now) sitting in his garage with a beer in his hand.  All day long.  A few years ago, Linus painted his house a non-board-approved color.  After much bellyaching on both sides, he painted the trim a different color, but still refuses to pay the fine levied against him.  This, among other things, has pitted Linus and Howard against each other.

Howard is now paranoid. He's so "fustrated" some nut job (read, Linus) will take over and undo all his great deeds, like our ridiculous three-gate entry system for residents. He even fears the "new" board members will want to string "bob-wire" around the lake. This came between laments of how bad he wants to quit the board, but fears who might replace him.

I, being everyone's friend, get to hear both sides.  And both sides are nuts.  But since it's Linus leading the charge against Howard, I figure there will be fireworks before long.  And I missed the fireworks this past Fourth of July, so I figure I'm do for some fun.

And since I'm friends with both, I get to play the instigator too.  But here's the best part, none of it will affect me anyway.  We're selling our house.


Fear not loyal readers.  Wherever I live, I end up with wacky neighbors.  Remind me to tell you about the Herdsmen.  Or Morty and Leroy.  Or Dennis the Menace.  Or Baldy and RAF.  Or you could read about Hotpants

And yes, if I end living next door to you, you too will get a derogatory nickname.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

I'm Published!

I teased some big news a couple weeks ago.  My first short story, The Forty-eight Dollar and Thirty-nine Cent Christmas Card, is featured in Journeys IV An Anthology of Award Winning Short Stories.

You know those little envelopes that fall out of your morning newspaper a few weeks before Christmas?  The ones pre-addressed to the delivery guy, with a little slot for a Christmas tip he's already decided you owe him?  George's mission to tip the paper delivery guy is fraught with sticky locks, confusing cold medicine and one nosy caterer.

And heck, there are a whole bunch of short stories besides mine.  Click the link above to order it today.  It will be available from on Friday, September 16.

Journeys IV

An Anthology of Award-Winning Short Stories

Authored by Multiple Award Winning Authors
Edited by Mary Lois Sanders

A rainy night in Tampa; a special gift; a link to life; a Christmas card; an old wardrobe; a critique; a sci-fi fantasy; a granddaughter's love; monsters; super heroes; heroes; family reunions; death; adventures in the jungle or in a trash dump, an afternoon for lemonade and mystery ...

Creative Writer's Notebook presents the winners and honorable mention honorees from its 2010 Short Story Competition.

Immerse yourself in an afternoon of pleasure, all from the creative minds of these talented writers.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Swaddle Fail

My boy needs to be swaddled when he sleeps, otherwise flailing arms and legs keep the entire household awake.  When properly swaddled, peaceful, sleeping baby can be achieved.

There are times, however, when pre-flailing prevents an optimum swaddle, even given today's advanced swaddle technology.  On these occasions, peaceful sleeping baby lasts only so long.  Replaced by this...

Arms usually come free by morning.  I can accept that.  But this is after only an hour.  Don't ask me how the leg got out.