Wednesday, July 14, 2010

SAQ - Sarcastically Answered Questions

I haven't blogged much about our adoption.  Here's the latest update:  We're waiting.  Could be a while.

In the course of life, however, I do occasionally mention our adoption plans.  Such was the case yesterday.  I was flying along, and the conversation turned to family.  Inevitably, the question came up, "Do you have any kids?"  I do not, and answered accordingly.  Then he asked, "Are you trying?"  This, I thought odd.  Not only was a stranger inquiring about a rather personal and intimate affair, but in doing so, implied there are only two options regarding children.  To have them, or to be trying to have them.  There is, of course, the third option, to which Mrs. Sarcasm and I had long stood firm, but no longer do: we don't want any kids.  So, sensing what might come next, I took a breath and announced that we are adopting.  The next question out of his mouth was right on target.

"How much is that costing you?"

Really?  Is that really something I'm expected to answer?  And do you, a total stranger, really believe it's any of your business?

So, as we've gone through this process, the stupidity of the general public has come up a few times.  It is reality that we will face ignorance along the way.  We will be what is known as a conspicuous family.  Because our child will be from South Korea, they will, in all likelihood, look very different from their parents.  This, it seems, is an invitation to all sorts of Stupid Adoption Questions, which I, fitting this blog, have decided to call Sarcastically Answered Questions.  Keep in mind, these answers are only reserved for the most blatant ignorance.  If someone is genuinely interested in the process, I am glad to educate them through informative discussion.

If, however, you are simply an ass...
Q. How much is adoption costing you?

A. You know all the plastic surgery you need?  Not quite so much as that.

Q. Will your Korean baby have an accent?

A. Since the baby's room will be yellow, we're thinking purple accents.

Q. Don't you want to have real children?

A. Real children are too much work.  And these fake ones are dishwasher safe.

Q. Do you get to pick the child you're adopting?

A. Oddly, it's a lot like a pet store.  The kids in the biggest cages are the most fun.

Q. What do you know about their real mother?

A. Quite a bit.  I've been married to her for 14 years.

Q. Can't you have your own kids?

A. Our Korean will come with ownership papers.

Q. Will your Korean eat American food?

A. Only fast food.  And only Asian Chao.

Q. Can you give it back if you change your mind.

A. Only with a receipt.  Much like Coscto.


April said...

That doesn't surprise me in the least. Once people found out my DH and I were getting married, the next question was "When will you be having kids?" When I tell them we aren't (DH has one all ready, and we like things the way they are), I get "the look." Like I'm crazy. Like what kind of woman wouldn't want to have her own children? Then come all the other questions. Why not? Don't you think the Little One would like a brother or sister? Are you going to adopt? Don't you two want to have a child of your own?

And on and on...

Abby said...

This is funny, the sarcasm at least. I find it sad that a lot of people don't even think of adoption as an option. I have a close friend (incidentally, he is South Korean) who I was talking to lately and he mentioned that he wants to get married and have kids. And then he said that he's definitely not going to adopt.

I think it's wonderful that you're adopting a child! Asian babies are the cutest. (I'm Asian. I'm biased. haha.)

Bossy Betty said...

Wow. I think it's interesting that you are in close, confined quarters with strangers and they tend to tell you/ask you such personal questions.

Good answers. Hope you never need to say them, but it's probably a good bet you will!

Holly Ruggiero, Southpaw said...

People are weird. A good friend of mine, who has blue eyes and blonde hair, adopted a beautiful little girl from India. I still shudder at the questions she was and still is asked. What's wrong with people? Just wait the question will become more entertaining…”Will you put her/him in school?” I mean really.

Amy Saia said...

The unfortunate thing is your child will have the same questions asked all through school. Me thinks we have a sarcastic comeback artist in training.

Matt said...

Amy - I'm not so sure. We live in a very diverse part of the world. Everyone around looks different, and kids these days, from what I gather, tend not to care too much about these things. But I could be completely wrong. You're right about one thing. I have every intention of molding this kid in my own image and sarcasticity.

Maru said...

Great post!

My daughter was born in the US but is of Asian origins. I got "What language will she speak?" I didn't know language was imprinted at birth and we needed to do something about it...

I also got far too many times before/after adoption the "Will/Did you meet the real mother?" I always replied "I know her already - it's ME."But I don't think that was sarcastic. It's the real thing. So, saying you've been married to her for 14 years is the right answer to the stupid adoption question. However, I can guarantee that in 2.5 seconds after your reply you'll get "Oh, well... You know what I mean." which is just as annoying...

I have published several posts on my blog about the bizarre comments people make... Please stop by and have a look. Here's the latest one: People say the darndest things #3.

~Just B said...

Oh my gosh. I think I love you.

Tell your wife not to worry. I really *love* my husband. But I love your sarcasm.

I am the mother of two boys. Both adopted. They are now 5 & 6. I STILL get stupid questions like this. Thanks for the ammo.

Good luck with your adoption.