Monday, March 5, 2012

Wearing A Strap-On

Every so often I fly around with some goober who thinks he's saving America from terrorists.  Thanks to a giant, collective over-reaction about a decade ago some of these doofuses now carry guns when they fly.  As a result I now have to fear for my life every time I work with one of them.  And I'm not just being Kelly Killjoy either.  A few years ago a John Wayne Wannabe put a hole in the plane when he was fooling around with his gun while at the controls.  That hole could have been in my gut, so I'm less than enthused to have these Silly Sallys strapping one on next to me.

Except most don't actually wear their guns Wyatt Earp-style.  They carry them around in locked cases that I can't even see from my seat, and in some cases I don't even know until day two of the trip when said pilot goes through a different security door from everyone else.  Then I have this conversation:

"Um, weren't you supposed to tell me you had a gun when we started this trip?" I ask.

"Oh, did I forget to mention that?"

And so on.

Well, thank you Mr. Obama.  In an effort to reduce federal spending, there is now a proposal to limit the budget for this ill-conceived program.  Of course the pilot's union is all up in arms (pun intended) and begging our support to keep guns in the cockpit.  They're even soliciting members such as myself to go to Washington to offer testimony.

I'm considering it.  If I could do justice to the image of John Wayne wearing his holster at the controls, which I had the displeasure of seeing not long ago, I could do my part to get rid of these boneheads.

What do you think?  Guns in the cockpit?  Or cocks with guns?

4 comments:

Steven J. Wangsness said...

What federal program is involved? I suppose the pilots have to be trained, is that it?

I hate flying so much these days that it's easy for me to be neutral on this question. You're a lot more likely to be hijacked than I. But I suppose if we now have secure, locked cockpit doors, why do the pilots need guns? If terrorists have the kind of firepower that gets them through the locked cabin door, it's hard to see how they could be stopped by a pilot with a handgun.

Cindy said...

I'm by no means an expert on the subject, but I lean toward saying no about this. The picture is funny though.

MC Howe said...

It's called the Federal Flight Deck Officer program. And yes, there is training, but you're absolutely right about the reinforced flight deck door. Nobody's getting through that thing. And in the time it takes them to try, I've got plenty of time to ready a swing with the crash axe that has been standard equipment in every cockpit since the Wright Brothers.

As an interesting aside, a lot of pilots join this program just to be able to skip the airport security line. If I didn't think it was so stupid, I might do it too just for that.

Jeanne said...

I love the picture. And the title certainly piqued my interest.I really don't see why a pilot would need a gun in the cockpit but if that is the case, then let's arm the passengers. We can all be protected.
Seriously, I think it is an invitation for pilots to go off half-cocked (sorry, could not resist) and possibly misfire. Perhaps a Super Soaker Gun.