Monday, August 1, 2011

Ten Things To Not Say To An Airline Pilot

After forty days on maternity leave, it was back to work today.  Some things haven't changed.  The traveling public is still a collective moron.  So to help on your next foray into an airport, here are some tips.

If you see a person with three or more stripes on their shoulders, that person is a pilot.

  1. The pilot does not know which carousel your bags will be on.
  2. The pilot does not know why your plane, not his plane, is late.
  3. The pilot does not want to hear your most horrendous travel tales.
  4. The pilot is not scared to fly the plane.
  5. If the pilot is sitting in a passenger seat, he is not supposed to be flying the plane. 
  6. The pilot has, in fact, flown in some really bad weather.
  7. If the pilot is talking on the phone, do not approach the pilot and speak to him as if he is not talking on the phone.  He still will not know where your bags are.
  8. The pilot is (most likely) not drunk.  If you think you are making a funny joke, the joke will be on you.  The pilot will announce over the loudspeaker that the flight will be delayed while he leaves the airport to pee in a cup.  The pilot will also name you as his accuser, to your fellow passengers.
  9. Before you ask the pilot a stupid question, look around at the airport signage.  
  10. The pilot does not know where you parked your car.


Michael Offutt said...

Pilots have good vision. I bet I could ask one (such as yourself) what was taking place on the ground while you were in flight because you guys can see everything.

MC Howe said...

Funny you bring that up Michael. Today I flew with this cat (well past 60, thank you FAA) who just had cataract surgery, but only on one eye. It seems his insurance only allowed one free surgery so the other eye will have to wait.

Su said...

Brilliant. I just can't imagine approaching anyone in an airport who looks official but is not behind a desk to ask a question. I mean, the desks (and the information kiosks, etc) are there for a reason.

Tara Tyler said...

thanks for sharing!
that was hilarious =d

Tara Tyler said...

i meant to say

Jeanne said...

Glad to see your pilot hat on again. I enjoyed this. There are a number of things that apply to teachers also. And writers. Maybe they will appear on my blog!

Raquel Byrnes said...

LOL! I can't believe these questions were asked in real life. Funny.
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