Perhaps not everything. That title's a bit all-encompassing. I do have a bit of housekeeping I've been neglecting, so without further ado...
Thank you very much to Girl with One Eye for the Honest Scrap award. It's been a couple weeks so I felt I should do my duty and get on with the proceedings. Here are ten honest things about me:
1. I would rather have gray hair than go bald.
2. I would rather not have gray hair.
3. People think I'm obsessed with pirates because I write about them. I'm not. I appreciate all the books, but you can stop sending them.
4. I'm also not obsessed with airplanes. If I hear you talking about my love of flying at my funeral I will haunt you. I will haunt you bad.
5. I don't like to travel. I just had seven days off. I stayed home. Heaven.
6. I believe everyone should be given an IQ test before being allowed to do certain things. Like driving. Or reproducing. Especially reproducing.
7. I'd like to build a windowless, ventless dome where smokers could live in peace.
8. I believe hunting is for people who live in a land without grocery stores.
9. All plants and trees have been strategically planted in my backyard with the hope that Mrs. Sarcasm will one day agree to let me build my swimming pool.
10. I'm the only person in the history of the Central Michigan University student run TV channel to have a show canceled.
Also, thank you to Tina Lynn for the Superior Scribbler award. Thank heavens there are no rules (at least none have been passed on to me) that go along with this one. Still an honor. With these two awards I'm supposed to pass them on to 15 bloggers. By golly you're all worth it. So whoever wants one, they're over on the side bar, toward the bottom.
For those awaiting the results of the Prissy Bower contest, I'm awarding it to Kathy, who correctly guessed that Prissy Bower is German for curtsy. Curtsy = Kurt Z = Kurtz--Prissy Bower's actual surname. The story goes that Mr. Kurtz and I and our wives were dining out, and when the waiter saw my credit card he commented that my surname meant something having to do with the less desirable entrails of a pig. Thinking that somewhat deragatory, I quickly remarked to Mr. Kurtz, who was laughing such that a vein was visibly forced from his skull, that his surname was German for prissy bower. We then delighted in the creation of a character whose sole purpose was not to entertain but to annoy, and who, as an adult, dressed in a toddler's sailor suit. I can only await the day I am so downtrodden, having been marked by such rejection I will be forced to thrust Prissy Bower unto the world for all to despise. Then you'll be sorry.
Finally, I just returned from an overnight in Washington DC. My captain was all things bad. Bad breath. Bad boots. And buck white socks, which he proudly displayed in the cockpit with his REI hiking boots off. Just bad. While he spent most of the time lauding his many girlfriends, in many different countries, most of whom live in whore houses - his words - I was hopeful of getting something to share. I keep seeing incredible sights from the air, but I also keep forgetting to bring my camera. Not this time.
With my first airline I was based in DC. There is an approach that follows the Potomac River south past the monuments before banking sharply to line up for landing. I've heard it called amongst the most challenging approaches in the world because if you fly too close to the east bank of the river you'll end up in restricted airspace, like say, over the White House, and that may result in a bad day. For me though, the challenge has always been to get a good picture. Lest you worry I should have been paying more attention at 400 feet, relax. It wasn't my landing. It's a little blurry, so I may ask Mrs. Sarcasm to sharpen it. She's a whiz with Photoshop. For now, enjoy the view.