Sunday, December 27, 2009

Mortified

I hope everyone had a happy holiday, and I really hope no one else had an experience like this.

After three days on call, I was pleasantly surprised I didn’t have to work.  So, Mrs. Sarcasm and I made the three hour drive to see my parents.  Having told them it would be at least a month before we might see them, they were overjoyed to the point they offered to clean the dishes whilst we relaxed.  Given their time on this earth was certain to be less than my own, I couldn’t let them waste it on dishes, so I got up to help.  That’s when my mom assured me she was in top-notch health.  Mom had a bout with breast cancer a few years back so I wanted to be sure she was telling the truth.

Now, it could be argued I brought this on myself, but it makes for good blog fodder.  So…

“How are your breasts?” I asked, not seeing my father enter the room behind me.

“What?” my mother screamed.

“What do you want to know that for,” said my dad.  “You want to play with them?”

“WHAT?”  My mother nearly toppled.

“Well,” Dad said.  “That’s what you used to do.”

“OH MY GOD!” shouted Mom.

I didn’t know what to say, or do.  I was stuck in a place between humiliation and uncontrollable laughter.  The stainless steel sink reflected the red in my face.  It  would have been so much funnier had it been someone else.  It couldn’t possibly get any worse.  Then Dad spoke again.

“You used to suck ‘em.”

10 comments:

jenicini said...

hahahaahaha!

Nicole said...

OH THE WRONGNESS.

XD

Donna said...

OMFG! You were pwned by your dad. Good luck living that one down! LOL!

Erica said...

LOL - Wow. So.. ya gonna gouge your eyes out now Oedipus... LOL

Thanks for a funny on a Sunday :o)

Travener said...

No good way out of that awkward bramble patch.

Bethany Wiggins said...

You poor, poor man! Such a hilarious story. And your poor mom, too.

Girl with One Eye said...

That was a fantastic giggle. Thanks for sharing your humiliation.

M. Gray said...

Oh man! Can't imagine! If it makes you feel any better my CRAZY aunt asked my brother to rub suntan lotion on her back, and while he was gingerly doing this she says, "You know, when you were a baby and your mom asked me to watch you I breastfed you a few times."

My brother was so jaded that he nearly drowned himself in the ocean that day!

Jem said...

Oh, what a terrible situation!

M. Gray, yours is even worse!

I'm so glad I haven't run into this. Yuck.

Jem

Matt said...

I'm glad you everyone enjoyed this. I only wish someone else had written it. After sitting through 10 hours of the most godawful boring recurrent training I could have used a laugh.

Alas. At least I'm not M Gray's brother.