Mortified

I hope everyone had a happy holiday, and I really hope no one else had an experience like this.

After three days on call, I was pleasantly surprised I didn’t have to work.  So, Mrs. Sarcasm and I made the three hour drive to see my parents.  Having told them it would be at least a month before we might see them, they were overjoyed to the point they offered to clean the dishes whilst we relaxed.  Given their time on this earth was certain to be less than my own, I couldn’t let them waste it on dishes, so I got up to help.  That’s when my mom assured me she was in top-notch health.  Mom had a bout with breast cancer a few years back so I wanted to be sure she was telling the truth.

Now, it could be argued I brought this on myself, but it makes for good blog fodder.  So…

“How are your breasts?” I asked, not seeing my father enter the room behind me.

“What?” my mother screamed.

“What do you want to know that for,” said my dad.  “You want to play with them?”

“WHAT?”  My mother nearly toppled.

“Well,” Dad said.  “That’s what you used to do.”

“OH MY GOD!” shouted Mom.

I didn’t know what to say, or do.  I was stuck in a place between humiliation and uncontrollable laughter.  The stainless steel sink reflected the red in my face.  It  would have been so much funnier had it been someone else.  It couldn’t possibly get any worse.  Then Dad spoke again.

“You used to suck ‘em.”