So, we're walking through the Venetian, commenting how the Las Vegas version looks and smells much cleaner than the real thing. It turns out, there is a benefit to that filthy Italian water. In Las Vegas, it's so clean you can see tiny propellers on the gondolas. I'm thinking my Pisan brethryn could easily take one of their Vegas counterparts in a fight. Then I nearly got into one of my own.
One of the pushy timeshare salespeople cornered us, and it seems I'm not quick enough with the no.
"Want free show tickets?" she asked.
I very much did want free show tickets. However, I'd faced this same spiel a few days earlier.
"What's the catch?" I asked, already knowing.
"We're not interested in a Timeshare," jumped in Mrs. Sarcasm.
"I want to show you these shows," said the salesgirl.
"No thanks," said Mrs. Sarcasm.
"What shows have you got?" I asked. I said I was slow.
She ran down the list.
"We have to listen to a Timeshare offer?" I asked.
She hesitated. I don't think she was expecting resistance. She looked at her screen for a moment, then back at us, and nodded.
"No thank you," said Mrs. Sarcasm, pulling me away.
"What do you have against Timeshares?" snapped the girl. "See those people? They're going right now. What's the big deal? You're just walking around anyway."
What would Larry do?
"Yeah," I said. "I'd rather walk around than listen to some pushy salesman."
"Our salesmen aren't pushy," she said.
"Oh, really?" I asked.
"'Cause you're being pretty pushy," I said.
"I'm just doing my job, sir."
"Oh, is that right?"
"So is it part of your job to insult people who are just walking around?"
"It's my job to bring in business," she said.
"What does that even mean, we're just walking around? What should we be doing? Standing around? Sitting around?"
"It means you were walking by."
"Yeah," I agreed. "So's that guy. Why don't you accost him?"
"I didn't accost you."
"I think you did," I said. "I think we're being accosted. This feels like an accosting."
"Mmhmm," I nodded. "And by the way, there's a very good chance..." I needed a really good line here, "we were on our way to a very specific destination."
"Very specific?" She folded her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow.
"Yep," I nodded, quite proud. "Pretty specific. Pretty, prettyy, prettyyy specific."
"Really?" she said. "Where were you going? Nothing's open yet."
"As a matter of fact," I waved a finger, stalling. "We were on our way to buy show tickets."
"Well," she said. "I offered you free tickets."
I stood there, nodding. She had offered free tickets. All I had to do was listen to a brief speech. Mrs. Sarcasm stood a few feet away, tapping a foot.
"So, uh, you got any left?" I asked the sales girl.
"Sorry," she said. "I just gave the last pair to that guy."
"That guy?" I pointed to him.
"The guy who was just walking around?" I asked.
I leaned in close, peering deep into her eyes. We held each other's gaze a minute. Finally, I pulled back, nodding. "Okay."
Mrs. Sarcasm was none too happy when we paid full price for tonight's show.