Monday, November 16, 2009

The Longest Run-On Sentence I've Ever Composed - 1094 Words

My house is falling apart and I don’t know what to fix first because the screen door is broken and the TV fell off the wall and I didn’t even know it happened so it must’ve been when I was gone cause I would have heard it crash, but then maybe I wouldn’t because I’m not always home, but it doesn’t really matter because it’s been up on that wall for almost a year, and I know it’s been that long cause it was there when my friend Angie visited, which I remember because I was excited to have someone staying in that room because no one ever stays in that room and I was even more excited to have someone watch that TV because I had put it on the wall and I know she was here in January because that’s when I got my new running shoes and I know that was January because my birthday is in January and I got my new running shoes right after my birthday, which I needed to do because I was based in San Juan and there was no place in the world I wanted to be less than San Juan but I was based there and living in a condo with five other people, none of whom wanted to be based in San Juan, but we were all there and we were all always there so to get out of the house I started taking long walks and my feet started to suffer because I had old shoes because I always wore old shoes on the road because, let’s face it, most of the time they just sit in a suitcase, but I was really walking a lot, so I went and bought some really expensive running shoes even though I wasn’t running at all because that’s really hard on the joints but walking is good exercise so I walked a lot even though I couldn’t stand San Juan and it was pretty scary in some areas with packs of wild dogs and chickens and some big hills and some mountains, which is the main difference between San Juan and South Florida, but I didn’t walk on the mountains because they were a little far from the condo and I needed to be close in case the phone rang and I had to work, but that didn’t stop me from walking an average of seven miles a day, although one day I planned a fifteen mile walk but I hadn’t planned on getting a phone call at the five mile mark but I took the call anyway since I wasn’t busy doing anything but walking and I sat under a tree but then a bird pooped on my hand so I walked to the edge of the water to rinse off and  underestimated the softness of the sand and sunk in just as a wave broke and my feet, inside my brand new walking shoes, got soaked, so much so I took off my shoes and socks to dry but they were taking too long and I really wanted to continue my walk even though I still had ten miles to go but I figured walking home five miles in wet shoes would still damage my feet so what difference did it make if I walked ten miles so that’s what I did but I sure paid for it in the end because I had lots of blisters and one toenail was purple when I got back to the condo and it was still purple when Angie visited because I remember her wanting to see it even though I was ashamed because I’ve always had really nice toenails that aren’t cracked or yellowing or covered in fungus but just plain smooth toenail colored toenails but this particular toenail no longer looked like that and it soon fell off, which you might think would hurt, but it didn’t because it had died long before and underneath was a plain, nail-less toe which eventually grew its nail back and I’m quite pleased about that because now I can say once again that I have nice toes, but I wouldn’t have if that TV had fallen on my foot and crushed them, so I’m thankful I wasn’t home when the TV fell but I do wonder why it did because it was up there for almost a year and I know that because Angie visited last January and that was right after I put the TV on the mount above the door in the guest bedroom but now its on the floor behind the door, which I discovered last night because I had to get up early for work and went to bed early but my spouse can’t just get in bed and sleep because she has to watch TV or read, both of which keep me up, so I went to sleep in the guest bedroom and realized when I couldn’t open the door, which we keep closed because our cat will pee on the bed, and I can’t sleep in a bed if a cat pees on it but she can’t pee on that bed because we keep the door closed and I couldn’t open the door because the TV had fallen with the mount which broke free from the wall leaving a hole in the wall, but, surprisingly, only a small gouge in the brand new wood floor, which I thought surely would have damaged the TV, but I turned it on and it still works, so now I have to fix the hole in the wall above the door to the guest bedroom and find a new place to mount the TV because the hole in the wall where the TV was obviously won’t support it any longer but that’s okay because the screen door is broken too and I was going to Home Depot anyway to get parts for that, so I might as well get something to patch the wall but I might already have something so maybe I won’t spend as much money as I thought and its possible I won’t spend any money at all because writing this run-on sentence, and then editing it, which seems like an oxymoron, but that is what I’m doing, has taken longer than I thought and It’s almost time for my spouse to come home from work and I know she’ll be upset I didn’t fix anything but I did get up for work at 3:30 this morning, so what does she expect?

4 comments:

Natalie said...

Impressive--stinks about the TV though. I hope you get it fixed.

Erica said...

Woa dude. Crazy ride. Bummer on the tv... let's hope you get it fixed soon!

Wendy Sparrow said...

I can't believe that didn't break the TV. Wow. Impressive.

So, I find it appropriate that your run-on sentence included running shoes.

Girl with One Eye said...

*giggles* I have to say, even though i read your sentence silently to myself I felt the need to take a deep breath at the end.