Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Monsters? Aliens? Help Me Auntie Em. I'm Frightened.

After a few weeks away, it was time for some yard work, only to find someone's been playing Whack-A-Mole in my backyard.


And what vile creature is responsible?  South Florida being a haven for man-eating creatures, the prospect of poking around in here is, at best, less than appealing.

[EDIT: Each of these holes is about three inches in diameter and, after some stick poking, at least a foot deep.]

Now, there are certain things I expect after being gone a few days.

Urine-soaked scratching post?


Squashed toad in the street?

It happens.


Ants swarming the next door neighbor's front porch? (not to mention the rest of the house. Click on the pic, you'll see 'em.)

Sadly, and for a long while now...


But monsters in my backyard?  No sir.  Never seen that before.  Actually, I think I did spy an armadillo once.  And there have been Iguana sightings.  As well as the occasional snake in the garage.  (I keep a fifteen foot pole handy)

[Edit: I just noticed I capitalized iguana.  I shouldn't have, but the main setting for Schmitty the Pirate is the island of San Iguana.  Muscle memory.  Gets me every time.]

But infestation I can not have.  So help me loyal followers.  I'm Stymied.  I need one of Our Gang to help identify these Little Rascals.  If anyone knows what lives in these holes tell me so I can head for the right hills.

(after stymied, I couldn't help myself)


Wendy Sparrow said...

Unicorns. I recognized their holes at once.

No, but seriously... you've got no point of size reference, Matt. How are we supposed to help here? They could be craters viewed from space or one inch "the neighbor kids have been excavating" holes. A little help here.

Matt said...


Matt said...

Okay Wendy. Is that better?

And you'll notice I changed the font color. White was making me see spots. Does the orange work for everyone?

Julie Dao said...

Clowns on stilts? I have no idea. Do you think they could be snake holes?!

Matt said...

Ooh. That's brilliant. I wasn't even thinking with my writer's brain.

Traci said...

We actually have armadillos in our backyard sometimes, that leave holes that look VERY similar to your pictures (not sure how deep our holes are, though. I've watched them dig, dig, dig (nasty little creatures). They can really destroy a yard!

Your post had me cracking up, btw. LOVE the snark!

Wendy Sparrow said...

Could be squirrels. Squirrels do that. If you normal have a cat around scaring them away, they might have used the opportunity to get in some excavation time. If it was moles, you'd also have mole hills, but you didn't mention those.

Wendy Sparrow said...

Oh, and I like the light blue font that your profile info is using. Can you use that color? It's easy on the eyes.

Tina Lynn said...

If you have hills to run to, do not discriminate, and run. I'm deathly afraid of clowns. Put them on stilts and I might pass out.

K.M. said...

Does it make me a sadistic person that I laughed at a urine soaked scratch post and a flattened toad? I'm gonna go with yes. But I hope you found the monster and gave him an ass-whooping.

Matt said...

K.M. - No more than being a Yankees fan.

Girl with One Eye said...

Drunken troll with stilettos, I'm sure of it. You have the evidence right there. Trolls eat cats, the urine post was like moth to a flame. Angry when he didn’t find a midnight snack he squished his drinking buddy. In his grief he danced around naked in your back yard with his stilettos on. Have you seen a troll? They’ve got big feet.

And absolutely no way did a squirrel do this. It's just ludicrous to suggest it.

K.M. said...

Maybe C.C. Sabathia left those tracks in your backyard. He's big enough.