Friday, June 24, 2011

The Neurotic In Me

END Baby is coming any day now.  Ah, let me explain about END Baby.  You'll recall that we are planning on adopting a Korean, to whom we've long referred as Our Korean.  Then Momma Sarcasm went and got pregnant, screwing up our adoption plans.  We needed a name for conversational purposes, but we've chosen not to learn the sex until we meet this new baby.  So we came up with something better than the generic, The Baby, that wouldn't be confused with Our Korean. 

Ethnically Non-Diverse Baby, or END Baby.

I, as an airline pilot, often travel for work.  To fill the void as the count winds down, my mother-in-law has come from Michigan for two weeks and three days.  It gave me great comfort to know she would take the reigns should END Baby make an early arrival whilst I traveled.  END Baby is still not due for a few more weeks, but the doctor said it could well come any day.  So I'm done working.  But my mother-in-law isn't done visiting.  And now, the neurotic in me struggles to stay inside. 

To be clear, she is doing lots to help; preparing and freezing weeks of meals; cleaning; laundering, washing dishes; mothering her own baby.  Of course the flip side is that she is doing it all in my house. 

Let me be clear.  I can NOT stand company.  I don't care who it is, I do not want anyone in my home who doesn't already live there.  I don't even like answering the door for the delivery guy.  It is my sanctuary and has been designed for that purpose.  Throw in someone who does not belong and all sense of propriety is gone.  And whilst I understand that both END Baby and Our Korean will be like company that never leaves, I hope to be more accepting of them.

All of this has me analyzing my psyche.  I find I truly am neurotic.  For instance, this morning I ran some laundry.  Without my knowledge, my aforementioned mother-in-law folded it.  Very helpful.  Except...

She folds wrong.  Just as you would find in a store, freshly laundered shirts must be presented chest up, with the bottom tucked under and the sleeves wrapped around back.  And outside out.  At least she didn't go into my drawers to put away my drawers.  Of course this only left me fighting the urge to re-fold everything. 

She is here to help.  She is here to help.

She does the dishes wrong and openly admits it.  Apparently, I have earned a reputation as a "dishwasher Nazi," for repeatedly insisting my loading guidelines be followed.  This has been a fifteen-year battle with Momma Sarcasm.  I now see where she gets it.

She is helping.

I gave up my restroom.  My sanctuary within my sanctuary.  It is neat.  It is minimalistic.  It is no longer my own.  Yet I notice the toothbrush holder sits empty.  The cup is bone dry.  How does she rinse her mouth after brushing, I asked?  She does not, she answered with a laugh, as though the mere suggestion were ludicrous.  She runs the brush under the faucet and then sucks water from the bristles.  Barbaric.

I need help. 

I fear for my children.  I'd better possess powerfully dominant genes.

6 comments:

My Sharp Tongue said...

You are a true hermit. My husband and I are hermits, too. Guests are accepted, if they call in advance, and we are relieved, when they say goodbye. No matter how great their visit was, it is just nice to be on your own. It’s not that we don’t have friends. We just like our own company. I was very amused by the laundry description. That would drive me nuts, too. Remember: She is there to “help” ;-)

Jeanne said...

Can you spell OCD?

I, on the other hand, don't care how people do things. If they do them and I don't have to I am good with that!

Low standards is easy on my psyche.

My Sharp Tongue said...

Low standards are good :-)
As I read it's not so much high standards than the fact that someone else is doing things in the house, and that you have to relate to another person for a very long period. I mean, you choose your spouse, kids, pets etc., but their friends and family are also a part of the deal. It sometimes takes some patience to handle.

My Sharp Tongue said...

Low standards are good :-)
As I read it's not so much high standards than the fact that someone else is doing things in the house, and that you have to relate to another person for a very long period. I mean, you choose your spouse, kids, pets etc., but their friends and family are also a part of the deal. It sometimes takes some patience to handle.

Sungopolis said...

Mr Sarcasm, have no fear. There is nothing quite like babies to soften up the most rigid of neurotics. END Baby has his/her work cut out for him/her.

P.S. Momma Sarcasm, When can I come over?

Nut :) said...

LOOOL! Hi I just found your blog and you're incredibly funny!, the thing is..i actually felt like you were talking about me!! omg, i feel mean right now, but, isn't it, that when people come to help they do all wrong and leave it all upside down??
I must be a little neurotic, though i wish i wasn't because i make everyone unhappy with it! I just wish i don't end up like my mother though i feel i am her every step of the way lol, whatever, i really liked your blog and i'm definitely following you!