Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Random Capitalization Run Amok

Not everyone is a Rhodes Scholar.  And you sure don't need an advanced degree to become an airline pilot.   I have the proof.  There is a super-secret pilot forum where super-(ahem)-smart pilots spend a good deal of time griping about the chosen profession they despise.  One of these super-geniuses is shouting loud for all to read and I can't leave it alone.  So here are all the best parts.   The beauty is I know this Einstein.  I can't wait to fly with him again.

Must not laugh.  Must not laugh.

Reprinted without permission, unedited. Except where it gets wordy.  Hence the ...  

My comments are in blue.

There is a Very serious CBA Conflict both Moral and Ethical issue Presented to us by the "Subsription" Service Charge being forced upon us to Fully Particiapte in the new Electronic Shift Trade System."
Misspelling I can live with.  It's the random capitalization  I enjoy the most.  This, by the way, is just the opening salvo, so you know it only gets better.  It's really not necessary to read everything.  I will just highlight my favorite parts.
Provided ... communication todate with our Local Reps with regard to this issue listed from Most recent on top to first. 
I am in process of ... to seek personal re-embusment for the ... subscriptions costs charge to me  
Well, I can't overlook all the misspelling. What follows is taken from an email to our union leadership, which he posted on the forum. 
 Who ever is responsible ... appears to be either in-sensitive ... and/or has some personal stake in its implantation.

There are a great number of hyphenated words as well.  Someone needs to implant the idea of spell check.
 There is a significant finical issue here pilot group wide at stake

I really don't know what he was going for here.  Financial, perhaps.  I prefer not to know.
 I am afraid weather the semantics of the definition of a truly "additional' i.e. "Add-On" service vice an essential part of Electronic Shift Trading, critical to making the entire concept of immediate award processing fair, which has been chronologically "added on" after its initial implementation or not is mute

I'm sorry.  I couldn't hear that last part.  Take this sentence for what it is worth.  And then please tell me what it is worth.  It confuses me at every attempt. 
 I don't see how this clause ... could be any Clearer ?

My question regarding this question is what constitutes a question?  I thought I knew.  Now I'm not so Clear.
 I feel my earlier description ... has been mis-understood.

I dis-agree.  It's quite Clear.
 The Mere Physical constraint ... of the true available open trips Vice the actual true number ....  
This is the second time he's used vice.  Is it a verb?  A noun?  I'm con-fused.
The Concept ... is the Same concept as that behind company's effort to Market the ... Subscription service ...
 Golly, I thought, with more melancholy than gollys normally carry.
Once the success of this program in effect collecting 10's of thousands of Dollars Back from our employees
Doesn't that look like the name of a night club?  Or maybe a country-western bar?  I know, a new game show!
Not all of Us Have to take a shower after work ?
I'll leave you to speculate on the context here.  Just be sure to leave a space for punctuation.
To Charge for them ... you were to Charge not ... but to Charge us for their Delivery
This reminds me.  I must take charge of END Baby's delivery.  

Poor bastard.  Someone actually called him out on his grammar.  Here is his response:
 I am sorry too you are distracted from the core of the issue presented here by my grammtical mistakes and poor spelling.
 Grammticalling makes me miss Grandma.
 This is a very serious issue...  unless you PAY to Play.   A Practice specificly intended ... with a common understanding. 

Each and every Parings represnted ... carries a specific Cash Value in pay.  Your ablity to earn ,,, is not a Frivolous Issue.  Please do not treat it as such by focusing on my high school english to the point you lose sight of the very real grievance here.   This directly affects you.
And I have been moved to mock.
I have dared to reach out to the Pilot group as a whole becuase,
Note the comma. And the misspelling.
Absent a Formal Defence presented ... against the Company ... It is incumbant on ALL ... pay these subsriptions fee's who choose to fully particapte ... to file a formal grieveance ...  restitution of the fee's collected.

Frank States the issue will be brought to and considered...
But only if the fee's agree.
Thank Heavens our planes are highly automated. 

I'm going to Hell.


Dana Elmendorf said...

I'm Insulted you would post something of this Magnettude and Not comprehend the intellegence in specialized capitalization? It is because of this nature I must Re-acquaint myself with other bloggers and Terminate my Follower Stat-us.


MC Howe said...

Tehe! But I must didukt points Dana. You did not leave sufishunt spaces. You're quesioon mark's need room to breath ?

Dana Elmendorf said...

*giggles I didn't even realize he left room for his question marks to breath. That is TOO funny!

Travener said...

Wish to hell I knew what he was talking about.

BTW, "vice" is OK the way he employs it -- it means "as opposed to," as in (bad example), "We'll have chiliburgers tonight vice the tacos you were expecting."

Raquel Byrnes said...

I like the comma-lipsis,,,
Some of these really made me laugh.
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Jeanne said...

I have no idea what he was trying to say but he said it in the most unique and baffling way that I have ever seen. I think it must be a code for some dastardly deed about to happen.
Hopefully his verbal communication is more effective than his written communication or the air traffic controllers will be throwing up their hands in despair.
Great story. Sad but great.