Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Boobies, Babies, and Hogs – Post #100

The 99 Followers Challenge is now, officially, over.  I may have failed to gain 99 followers by the 100th post, but I’ve gained quite a few new readers in the last few weeks.  Thanks to everyone who participated, joined, twittered, facebooked and linked the challenge.  The last couple days has seen a tremendous increase, and I had planned to put off posting for a couple of days to see if I could get to 99.  But something happened that was just too good to keep to myself. 

Long time readers know all about the neighbors.  If you’re new here, do yourself a favor and familiarize yourself.  What follows is a real treat.

About a year and a half ago, new neighbors moved in – Linus and Patty.  They have kids Sammy’s age and the whole group quickly became fast friends with Howard and Moira’s brood.  They moved to Florida because they have family here.  Sadly, Linus has a heart condition that is untreatable.  One day, he is going to drop dead.  Nothing they can do but accept it.    It hasn’t stopped Linus from living though. 

He doesn’t work, so he has plenty of time to take it easy, lounging in his garage all day, watching the world go round.  At least once a day, he takes his motorcycle for a ride, revving at top volume every time he passes Howard’s house.  This is now quite a source of conflict.

It seems, at some point, Howard became convinced that Linus ‘wants’ Moira.  Lest you think that’s no big deal, read the shower groomer post. 

Now, Linus revving his motorcycle in front of Howard’s house could well be because he lives two doors down and is only accelerating out of his driveway.  Of course, when he comes home, he does it as he slows down.  Intentional?  Probably.  And it would piss me off, too, if I didn’t think he was doing it to irk Howard.

Well, because of Linus’s perceived pervertedness, (and let’s face it, if he really is into Moira, that is perverted) the kids are no longer allowed to play together.  To combat such venom, Linus painted his house lime green without approval from the Association Board, of which Howard is a member. 

Months of legal wrangling ensued.  Daily motorcycle rides persisted.  At one point Linus and his family had an entire dining room set up in their driveway.  Why?  Who knows, but it drove Howard batty.

Then came today.

Perhaps a truce?  Perhaps some hanky panky.  Linus stood in the street, talking to Moira.  Moira rested baby Eddie on her hip where he breast-fed.  (The hip is convenient when they hang that low.)  An odder sight, I can’t recall, but one thing I know – Howard was not home.  If this is Linus livin’, so be it.  It’s his life, but if I were him, I’d be gouging out my eyes right about now.  And I’m still seeing spots from Howard’s mother in a bath towel.

16 comments:

Travener said...

Well, I saw "boobies" in the headline, but this post didn't go where I expected it to...

Matt said...

Believe me Trav, these monsters are nothing to get excited about.

Angela said...

This post deserves an EW alert!

jenicini said...

Ah, the tales Howard and Moira. Get you some Linus. hahaha

Melissa said...

Ah, this makes me so glad that I live in the middle of a very large field. No joke:)

Traci said...

LOLOL, Matt! Oh, wow. Such vivid description. Just...eww. lol

BTW, major CONGRATS on your 100th post!! *throws confetti all over your blog* So happy for your success - lots of followers!! Keep up the good work!

Tina Lynn said...

O_o

Matt said...

Okay Tina, what is that? I see two oblong round things and a waist.

Patti said...

I've heard of bad neighbors, but this is something else. I wish i lived in a field away from everyone.

Kathy said...

Your post title sounds like the name of a country western song. :)

Funny stuff! And congrats on your 100th post! You have lots more followers than I do.

Why not drop by my blog and enter my little contest?

Matt Ryan said...

Matt -

Congrats on the 100th, I'll probably hit mine sometime in the fall . . . of 2011.

Also, 92 followers is nothing but straight-up awesome. You'll get your 100th in no time.

Great post. You know I clicked on your link before all the others in my blog log . . . you sneaky marketing genius! How'd you know I liked babies?

Matt said...

Patti - No field is big enough for me.

Kathy - I looked at your contest. I just couldn't come up with anything. I'll give it another go.

Hey everyone, go check out Kathy's contest!

Matt Ryan - Somehow I just knew you'd be into it.

Amy Saia said...

Fun in the hood. I love tales like this. Nothing better than real life!

Wendy Ramer said...

Checked out your Ikea blog and must say I don't share your distaste for the store only because I've never actually bought anything there. (I just live there!) As for your "About the Neighbors" posts...love 'em! I've got nasty neighbors with completely different but no less dramatic stories. Perhaps I'll share them some day.

Tina Lynn said...

It was the look on my face, Matt!!! Geez!

Matt said...

Oops!